Change Our Minds and Love Others

“Afterwards, he changed his mind and went.”

Fear and shame are very powerful motivators

for changing people’s minds.

They are incredibly effective short term

to change somebody’s mind about somebody or something 

and to move them to do something different.

We use fear and shame to move people’s behavior.

The challenge is that short term it works;

but long term not so well.

It can have disastrous effects on a longer term relationship.

It is not sustainable over the long haul.

It does untold damage to relationships

and can actually do systemic damage to an institution.

For example, if a father has created

a certain amount of fear inside their children

then the children will do exactly what the father says out of fear.

This is true for fear and shame.

They will do what they are asked to do out of fear or shame.

However, when the child grows up,

if that fear is still there and they have not matured

to a different relationship with their parent

then resentment will kick in and

eventually even hatred and the relationship will be ruptured.

It is not possible to have a long term healthy relationship

based on fear and shame.

It is simpley unhealthy and not humane.

If you are fearful of your boss and

do exactly what they say out of fear

eventually you will either leave the company

or the company itself will implode

because it is not sustainable inside an organization.

The culture of fear and shame is toxic to the work environment.

This is proven over and over again by social studies.

This tactic is used in all sorts of institutions.

We see it in the political institutions

and even the Church has used it.

And people would say with great effectiveness.

The Church has said to people,

“You will go to hell unless you do X.”

“You are going to go to hell unless you go to church.”

“You will go to hell if you do this . . .”

I mean fearful language.

“God will banish you forever.”

Or shame, “You shouldn’t do that. You are dirty.”

All that language creates incredibly powerful short term motivation.

The problem is that like other relationships

eventually it breaks down and people start to then resent it.

And then maybe even, even hate it.

I am quite sure a lot of people have left the Church;

or left political institutions;

or other institutions where they work;

or home environments because of fear and shame.

It is not sustainable for the longer term.

It does not work long term.

Psychologically, human relationships are not sustained on fear and shame.

What we hear in today’s scripture is a complete contrast to this.

Jesus challenges this assumption of fear and shame

and indeed in the other reading from Propher Ezekiel speaks of this.

Ezekiel is saying that God is asking people

to take personal responsibility for their own actions

and calls them forth, not out of fear;

not out of shame which was used in Old Testament times

but out of love of God and response to God’s love.

This was carried over into the New Testament times

and Jesus comes more forcefully

and says it is about love and mercy.

Jesus will say this over and over again

that it is faith, hope and love

and the greatest of them is love, as St. Paul says.

For Jesus is always about love.

Jesus hammers away that love is

the ultimate, long term motivator for change in personal behavior.

He calls this forth from anyone who will listen.

His disciples keep coming back

because they are in love with this message.

It speaks to their heart.

The Pharisees and the Elders find it too hard.

It does not fit into their world view

which has rules that lord over people’s lives.

And of course they are the overlords.

In the end, we may get short term motivation

to change our behavior by shame or fear.

But long term the only true motivator

that will truly change our lives is love.

Love is the ultimate long term change maker of lives.

Once we feel loved,

once we experience it truly in our soul

then it changes everything and we change because of it.

Then when we go on to love others

in that same powerful unconditional way

of loving people then we change other people.

It is not that we change them because of our love

but because of our love, they are changed.

I mean it is a subtle but very powerful difference.

All this is great. So what is our charge?

What is Christ saying to us?

Christ is saying to us we need to stop using shame and fear

in our personal or in our communal,

individual or collective;

in our public life and in our private life,

we just need to use love as the ultimate motivator for change.

My friends, we are hearing so much negative language,

it is truly overwhelming.

It saddens my soul.

It saddens my soul to hear such barbaric language

that causes division not just only politically

but even inside our own Church

we hear such divisive language that calls for fear and shame.

They are not the words that Christ used.

Scripture shows us that the overwhelming preponderance

in Christ’s language is a message of love for all human beings.

My friends, there are not different races,

different colors in the race

there is only one race, the human race.

One human race.

The difference between us is so tiny!

Genetically scientists tell us that the color of our skin

and the features that make us different

make up only .04% of the genetic makeup.

In other words, we are 99.96% is genetically common

with all colors and all peoples in the world.

We need to own the change we need to go through

as humanity and in the United States; and in our lives.

And that motivation for change is not fear; it is not shame.

The motivation is love.

Christ showers this love upon us

and showers his mercy upon us.

So what does this mean for us?

It means that if we use language of fear and shame,

we are not doing as the Father has asked.

That is very clear from today’s gospel.

The language we need to use is one of unity and one of love.

When we can own that for ourselves in everything we say,

not what others say, but what we say.

And then when we act out of what we say

and we become purveyors of unity and of love;

when we become actors of unity and love

then we are doing the father’s will.

That can only happen if we pray and we reflect upon our actions

and change our behaviors to match the Father’s Will.

The first son changed his mind!

Can we change our minds and follow Christ?