Metanoia Moments: Existential Experiences

I am not sure if this is ever happened to you,

when you experience someone or something

in a completely different light.

It may be an event or a person but something powerful happens,

and after having witnessed it we are never the same.

We cannot unlearn what we have just learned!

These are pivotal moments when something shifted inside of us

leading us to some form of transformation.

I call them existential experiences

but today we might call them pivotal points or ah-ha moments.

When they happen, we remember these moments with great clarity.

Where we were, who was there

even what we were wearing

or what smells were around.

It was just so clear.

Let me give you an example.

It was the time when I was young, and I was sick at home.

I had gotten the flu or something.

I was on the mend and able to get around the house,

but I was not able to go back to school yet.

Just as a background to the story,

I am one of 12 children.

Eight of us boys were going to the same school.

Our main meal of the day or dinner was at 1:00 pm.

We would come in from school arriving at 1:15pm.

We would gobble down dinner

and be gone by 1:45 to go back to school.

I always remember we were like a whirlwind,

we would come in eat, and be gone.

Also, I remember coming home

at the end of the day after school rugby practice,

and my mother would be sitting with the newspaper on her lap asleep.

I used to always think as a child

“Oh, I can’t wait to grow up and

just sit at home and read the newspaper all day and sleep.”

Now let’s go back to the day I got sick and I was at home.

I remember this vividly as if it were yesterday.

My brothers left for school after breakfast,

and my Mum prepared the dinner nonstop till 1:00pm

and then they came in like a whirlwind.

The food was gone and then they left by 1:45pm.

After they left, she cleaned up the kitchen and did some laundry

and then she had just finished everything and said

“Oh, I have time now to read the newspaper.”

She sat down and just starting reading when she fell asleep exhausted.

It was only a few minutes before my brothers came in the door again!

I remember watching her collapse into the seat,

attempting to read the newspaper,

exhausted from having served that much food

then everyone would come in and the cycle would start all over again.

And I was like

“Oh my gosh!

She is not just sitting home reading the newspaper!

Maybe I don’t want to be an adult so fast!”

It was an existential experience.

I could never look at my mother the same way ever again.

No matter how many times I came in.

I was now aware of the hard work she did

and I would do something every, single day because of that.

Either I would put my bags away neatly,

empty the dishwasher, take out the trash,

anything to just lighten the load a little each day.

I never said a word but just did something!

I was changed that day!

We cannot unlearn something after we have learned it.

We all have these pivotal moments

and they are conversion experiences.

We cannot unlearn what we have experienced.

The Church calls these moments: metanoia.

Metanoia is the Greek word and is translated as “repent.”

There is no really English translation for it per se

and repent is not a good translation and it lacking the depth of meaning.

Metanoia is better translated as:

A change of mind and heart.

It is a long explanation for a single word.

It gets depicted in scripture by imagery

as light in the midst of darkness.

We experience a darkness of unknowing

and then there is a great light that comes in

and we experience something very different.

That is typically how it is described in scripture.

We have Paul, who falls to the ground

and has a conversion, right?

A great light shines and blinds him

and his life is never the same, ever again.

We hear it in the Prophet Isaiah this morning.

There was a light shining in the midst of darkness

and things changed for Israel.

They became different, something happened.

And it is in the gospel even today where Jesus comes along

and he obviously says something;

does something that radically changes these men’s lives.

Peter and Andrew are fishing, and he says, “Come and follow me.”

Obviously, that was an existential conversion experience right there;

they dropped their nets and they were never the same.

They never, ever looked back.

Then he meets James and John, two brothers.

Same thing happens.

An existential experience of conversion

that changed them forever.

I know that in my own life if I look back

when those existential moments happen,

those experiences that changed me,

they pivoted me into a new direction and almost always

they were the result of sickness, illness or trauma;

because I was physically weakened or maybe emotionally weakened.

Then I was open to a new way of looking at something.

Because of the pain or because of my woundedness,

I had an opportunity to see things differently.

I was open to the conversion.

I was open to this metanoia.

I do not want you to have mental or physical pain or trauma

but I do want you to have this existential experience

and know how to be open yourself to these moments

when they present themselves.

Traditionally in the Church, we believe

that the sacraments are existential moments.

For example, the Eucharist is meant to be a place

where we experience Christ each week

that brings us to a point of conversion

as we listen to the scripture and homily

and receive Christ in the consecrated bread and wine.

We also have a few other ways to get people to experience these moments

without waiting for the traumas of life to hit us.

The first is going on pilgrimages where we put aside all our worries

and travel to holy sites where saints have gone before us

opening ourselves to these metanoia moments.

The second is going on mission or immersion trips

to experience the poverty of others and enter into their world

seeking conversion of our mind and heart; metanoia moments.

The third is going on retreat where we leave the comforts of home

leaving everything behind and open ourselves to a metanoia moment.

This week we are bringing the retreat to you in person

and I hope you will consider coming

and opening yourself to this existential experience.

I will not be the one who does this for you

but I will present some insights I have learn along the way

and allow the Spirit to intercede and give you this experience.

I do not know where you are at in your life

whether you have pain or woundedness.

Or whether your family and friends

might be going through a painful period in their life.

Or whether everything is “hunkie dorie”

and everything is just wonderful.

You’ve got no pain; no wounds; nothing going on whatsoever!

That might be a great spot.

But the question then is how will you open yourself

to the conversion experience?

Will you come to the retreat and experience anew?

Will you wait for a new pain or suffering to come;

some new wound to open you up?

Or will you allow the Lord now by willful decision;

by a choice of your own will that you will be open

to a new way of looking at things;

to let a light shine in your darkness now

and not wait for the darkness to get deeper or more profound?

My experience is that if we can open ourselves

to this ability to conversion, this metanoia,

this existential experience will happen

and we will find a new way.

But we have to open our hearts

and we have to open our minds.

I promise you if you open your heart and your mind,

the Lord will bring something new into your life,

something wonderful this week.

I do not know what it will be

but it will be a light in the midst of your darkness.

And I promise you the Lord will not disappoint.